Aggie inspired a previous post about men online being mean about weight. She agreed to do a guest post and is dispelling some myths about dating a plus size woman:
As a fat woman who is not afraid to be a fat woman, the dating world can be scary! From fetishists to the constant barrage of messages on dating sites telling me I would be cute if I “lost a few pounds,” fat women have it hard out there!
What makes it even worse are men’s advice websites that post completely serious articles about “Why you should date a fat girl.” (Note the usage of the word “girl” – as if fat women cannot be seen as women.)
Oh, how wonderful it is that a man would notice me, and love me for who I am . . . but, wait, he only wants me because I keep him warm in the winter? What am I, a freaking blanket?
That was seriously one of the entries in one of these lists of reasons to date a fat girl, and probably one of the nicer ones. But fear not! I’m here to dispel those awful stereotypes about why you should date a fat woman, and give you some real reasons why you should date one.
(Hint: It’s because we’re just as awesome, beautiful and good in bed as skinny women, average women and all other women.) I will only be using the titles of these myths because the way they talk about our bodies is extremely triggering. The titles may be triggering too, so consider this your trigger warning. But keep reading. I promise, it gets better.
MYTH #1: NO ONE WILL BE JEALOUS OF YOUR FAT GIRL
A confident woman of any size will attract stares from gents and ladies alike. If you think that because you date a fat woman that no other man is gunning for her attention, think again.
MYTH #2: FAT GIRLS HAVE BIGGER BOOBS
Actually, fat bodies can have boobs of any size. This is a sweeping generalization, which sounds a lot like what they say about black men. (Trust me, I’ve disproved that, too.)
MYTH #3: FAT GIRLS LOVE TO EAT
Correction: Most women love to eat. Because, you know, it sustains our life force. Not all fat women love to eat, just like not all slim women eat nothing but salads. Also, way to push disordered eating* onto someone just because they have a fat body! *If you suspect that your significant other has an eating disorder, please contact a therapist for information on the right way to support your lover.
MYTH #4: FAT GIRLS ARE BETTER IN BED
I cannot count on both hands and both sets of toes how many times I have heard “Fat girls give better head.” Why do people think this? Apparently it’s because we have to work harder to keep our man happy! I almost hate to dispel this myth, but here it is: a woman’s sexuality is not based on the size of her body! Some big women save themselves for marriage, some of them love sex, some slim women are better on top, and some large women love to ride! When any woman is comfortable with their body, they will be willing to work in the bedroom.
MYTH #5 FAT GIRLS WILL KEEP YOU WARM
I really don’t understand this one. Because I’m fat, I’m somehow a powerful space heater to keep you warm under the blankets in the winter! I cannot explain to you how many levels of wrong this is. Trust me, a chubby woman’s feet get just as cold as a slim woman’s and we’ll definitely put them on your back in the middle of the night.
MYTH #6 FAT GIRLS ARE LESS LIKELY TO BE CONCEITED
How hard can I rage at this notion? Well, the first line of thought here is that any woman who knows she is attractive should be considered conceited. Let’s correct that first: Confidence =/= conceit. Just because you’re a little cocky, doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be confident and carry our heads high. Skinny, chubby, toned, obese or anywhere in between, ladies, don’t let them say you’re conceited just because you love yourself.
This has somehow become a thing that guys think they can get away with. Basically, a guy will hit on a woman in a bar, and if she turns him down, he will continue to pester her, calling her down in the hopes that by bringing down her self-esteem, he’ll be able to take her home because she feels like no one else will hit on her.
HOW MESSED UP IS THAT?
So when a guy starts to try this on you, tell him to go to hell and take his complex with him. You are worth more and you deserve better. Call him out, and if he continues to harass you, don’t be afraid to tell security – they are there to protect you!
All in all, ladies, confidence is key to everything. As Roald Dahl wrote in The Twits: “A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” So keep those good thoughts flowing and stay beautiful!
Aggie Semeniuk is a plus-size fashion blogger, a body confidence coach, and a social media addict who’s known for leaving a trail of glitter everywhere she goes. Check her out at PlusSizePanda.com!